“…anyone who thinks that social networking is a ‘superficial’ matter of clicking should explain to me (to begin with) in just what world the effort of making a photo album for friends and family does not involve emotional commitment; and in what kind of real world it counts as an evasion of contact to have an on-line party, or to send gifts, humour and words of comfort or affection to people across space and time. It would have to be a world without regard for writing and reading, obviously: no love of letters, no emotional responses to rock art and cathedrals; no crying over novels and poems, either.” – from “Grizzling about Facebook” by Meaghan Morris
Somewhere in the universe, a young man wanted to give his girlfriend a photograph of Rizzoli bookstore in New York City.
About a week ago, I received a message from this young man who found the photo, which I once posted to tooshytostop’s Flickr account.
He wrote, “I’ve been trying to find a print of Rizzolis bookstore for my girlfriend as she absolutely loves the image after visiting NY. I’ve trawled the internet but nowhere seems to sell these prints. I only recently found out that a couple of companies in England can put any photo on to a canvas print for you. But I need the original picture so that the quality will be good enough to blow up to say 3ft x 4ft. Would you mind if I did this? If so do you have the original image of the above that you could email through to me?”
Do we fault him for wanting to give his girlfriend something that will only allow her to experience an emotion by proxy?
Of course, the photograph will never be able to replicate the experience of being in the bookstore.
But we do not fault him – we applaud his effort.
In the same way, we should not fault our attraction to social media, which can allow us to indirectly experience emotions and to feel close to people, even though they are very far away.
The quote above is an excerpt from one of the best critical essays I have ever read about social networking.
A professor of gender and cultural studies, Morris combines her knowledge of history and sociology to color her observations about Facebook and other social networks. While you might initially think (I did) that it’s ridiculous for anyone to write an academic paper about a website where you can virtually “poke” your friends, Morris provides great insight into a cultural phenomenon.
Cultivating relationships online is similar to having emotional responses to artwork, books, movies, etc. We interact with our Facebook friends in the same way that we interact with characters in a novel or on a television show.
Imagine a world without these “escapes”, these modified forms of reality.
I firmly believe that we can’t occupy reality at all times – it’s just too intense and demanding for the senses, especially if we’re occupying reality fully and with complete awareness.
In her essay, Morris references a blog post by Lauren Berlant, another scholar who writes, “And that’s what makes stranger intimacy a relief from the other kind, which tips you over.”
This little bit of “stranger intimacy” from a young man who simply wanted to give a photo to his girlfriend found its way into my inbox, and I wanted to help him. The problem was that I didn’t take the photo – my friend Angie took it for an article she wrote for Too Shy to Stop about visiting New York City.
I responded to the stranger with Angie’s contact information – I knew she would have a full-size version of the photo.
A few days later, he wrote me again, “I’ve already heard back from Angela with a copy of the image so that is brilliant! Strangely and uncannily enough, it is actually for an Angela so it almost seem like fate!!! I’m planning to blow it up to approx 3×4ft so I hope that this will look great. Anyway, again many thanks for your help with this as I think she’ll love it.”
I have never met Phil, I have no idea where he lives, and I will probably never meet him in person.
In addtion, I would never have met my friend Angie without Craigslist, which I used in late 2008 to find contributors for Too Shy to Stop.
In her essay, Morris writes:
“Facebook has increased my affective quality of life, and not only because it offers a break from my academic service work. The collective stream of posts brings me word of books, articles, music, films, video clips and news that I would otherwise never discover. At a time of life when new involvements become more rare, I suddenly have digital penfriends with whom I exchange old-fashioned letters through Inbox (one of the least remarked features of Facebook), while an acquaintance from decades ago has become a dear friend whom I contact almost daily.”
Thank you, Internet, for giving me the chance to meet people I would not have met in “real life” and for helping me bring strangers together.
The next time you laugh at a joke or cry during a movie or connect with an old friend on Facebook, ask yourself if it matters to you that these things aren’t “real”.
And then imagine your life without them: not horrible but perhaps not as rich and emotionally diverse as it could be.
(Photo by idogcow)
