An Ode to Facebook Creepers

An Ode to Facebook Creepers*
by Laryssa Wirstiuk

I sign into Facebook chat to see who’s online;
There’s Eric and Dan and Lesia and some random jerk.
I ask Eric: “How do I know if I’m
concussed? I hit my head on a shelf at work.”
“You’re fine,” he says, when a chat flag appears in red.
“What the fuck,” I say, because Facebook chat is broken;
it freezes my browser, makes it so that I can’t type.
The Firefox plays dead.
Oh no, it’s that guy I met at a bar in Hoboken!
He was cute, I guess, but most of him was hype.

“Hey sexy,” he types, and Facebook makes a tap-
ping, like the sound he wants to make on my ass.
Do I want to chat? Work’s boring, I want to nap
but can’t so I reply: “You’re rather crass.
My dad has Facebook, and he’s Ukrainian so guard
what you say – I can copy and paste so easily.”
I close the chat, but he hasn’t reached the end:
“You should know you made me hard.
And your photos are lovely! I think you’re teasing me.”
Without any doubt, this man I proceed to defriend.

*Form inspired by “Ode on a Grecian Urn” by John Keats

(Photo by dpstyles™)

Tagged as: creative writing, facebook, poem