About two weeks ago, I was rollerblading in my neighborhood and tripped as I was trying to transition from sidewalk to street. I fell on my butt and my right elbow, which hurt so intensely I almost blacked out. Imagine the pain of hitting your funny bone to the 1,000th degree. Luckily, I was only a few feet away from my house – I was hoping at least make it to my front door before my body decided to give way.
I went to my room and started to cry, partially because I couldn’t move my arm at all but also because I was so frustrated with myself – how could I have been so careless? I consider myself to be really good at rollerblading and was embarrassed to admit to myself that even I was capable of having a stupid accident.
I called my mom. I asked, “Mom, how do you know if you broke your arm?”
Needless to say, she was worried. She told me to ice it and take an Advil. Despite the fact that it was only about 8:30 PM, I was so frustrated with myself and the situation that I just went to sleep. At 6 AM the next morning, when I still couldn’t move my arm, I decided to bring myself to the Emergency Room, despite the fact that I was going to have trouble driving and couldn’t change my clothes. I was having the pity party of the century.
To make a long story short, despite x-rays, and a splint/sling combo, the emergency room doctor couldn’t tell if my elbow was broken. I would have to wait to see an orthopedic surgeon until a week later, when it would be easier to see a hairline fracture.
I was mortified at the thought of going to work with my arm bound in an awkward splint and a sling wrapped around half my upper body. I didn’t want to explain to anyone what happened. I hate drawing attention to myself, and this was just begging for questions. I just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep the day away. But I couldn’t.
Finally, after the week passed, the orthopedist found a tiny fracture on my radial head, which is the end of the forearm where it joins the elbow. Luckily, I wouldn’t have to wear a cast.
“The biggest risk associated with this type of fracture is that your elbow could lock,” said the doctor. “Does it hurt when you move it?”
“Yes, it hurts when I bend and extend my arm. Also when I rotate my forearm, like when I’m driving,” I said.
“Well, the only way you’re going to help it heal is by moving it normally. Even if it hurts,” said the doctor.
He prescribed a set of exercises; basically, I had to extend and bend my arm several times a day, pushing through any pain, so that I could achieve full range of motion. I was skeptical, but he’s the doctor. He also gave me a prescription for pain medication, but I wasn’t in so much pain that I was willing to put up with the side effects.
I went home that night and started doing my exercises right away, anywhere I could remember to do them: on line at the grocery store, while sitting in traffic, while waiting for a file to download, at my desk at work. Sure, it hurt at first, but I was really surprised by how working through that pain made the general ache seem to go away. Within two days, I could extend my elbow completely, so that it wasn’t bent even when it was just hanging at my side.
When people asked me what was wrong with my elbow – a humongous blue, green, and purple bruise gave it away – I was really hesitant to tell anyone I fell while rollerblading. But I started to realize that accidents happen, that I shouldn’t be ashamed to tell anyone I injured myself. It wouldn’t make me seem stupid or clumsy.
I also thought a lot about how the doctor’s advice can relate to emotional pain too. Many times, when I’m feeling sad or frustrated, I want to just sleep it off or do anything in my power to distract myself from it. But usually, if I sit through the emotional pain, if I let myself truly experience it, if I write about it, the pain goes away quickly, even if I have to feel it more intensely.
One of the harder lessons to learn, and to put into practice. What was it Churchill said?
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Churchill also said, “A joke is a very serious thing.” But that’s not really applicable to this post so forget it.
P.S.
Ouch.