A little while ago, one of my family members said to me, “If you want to find a man, you need to start wearing makeup more often.”
Family members are good at trying to tell us what to do, right? Not only did I never express an interest in finding a man, but I also never asked to be judged by my appearance.
“I don’t leave the house everyday with the goal of snagging a man,” I said. “When I’m rushing out the door, thinking about everything I have to do that day, makeup and men are the last things on my mind.”
However, 10 years ago, I probably would have taken my family member’s advice to heart. When I was in high school, I was mildly obsessed with makeup and believed it would soothe all my teenage anxieties.
Would I ever have a boyfriend? Would I ever be invited to parties by the popular girls?
Carefully applied eyeliner and a swipe of iridescent shadow would save the day.
I went to an all-girl’s high school in an affluent northern New Jersey suburb. We shared school buses with our brother school, located on the other side of a large hill that divided us. After school each day, a shuttle bus would transport us to the all-boy’s school, where we would catch a school bus home.
What do you think my girl friends and I did when the final school bell rang? We retrieved our makeup bags from our lockers and went to the bathroom, where we applied makeup. In this environment, surrounded by primping girls, I believed that makeup was all I needed to be around a member of the opposite sex. I should be embarrassed by anything less than a made-up face.
I carried this belief with me throughout some of college, when I would wake up extra early every morning to apply makeup and do my hair for class. I wouldn’t be caught dead on the quad without makeup.
I don’t remember the exact point when I started feeling comfortable going out in public, among my peers, without makeup, but I think it had something to do with being in a relationship. When you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you start to realize that you can’t be perfect all the time and that something like wearing makeup is just a pose that’s impossible to maintain.
I thought, Wow, my boyfriend still likes me even when I’m not wearing makeup?
I know that sounds pretty dumb and shallow, but it was a huge revelation to the 19-year-old Laryssa.
With that realization came a slow, much-needed acceptance. I started to appreciate my face without makeup for what it was was: clean, youthful, and sometimes even glowing. Eventually, makeup started to feel dirty and artificial, like a mask I wanted to tear off my face. I no longer had time to spend 15 minutes applying makeup each morning. I could do other things like sleep late, make a fancy breakfast, write, or complete a longer workout.
In grad school, I shifted to the opposite extreme, wearing makeup once a week, if then. I just couldn’t be bothered.
But now that I work in both professional and academic settings, I realize that wearing just a little bit of makeup (a sweep of eyeshadow, neutral lipstick), to accentuate my best features, shows that I have made an effort. Wearing an appropriate amount of makeup is like wearing business casual, rather than casual, clothing. A coat of mascara is like a pair of black dress pants.
Most importantly, makeup makes me feel like I have made an extra effort, that I have designated the coming day as special, as worthy of my makeup application. If I’m running late, and don’t have the chance to wear makeup, I won’t stress, not even for a second. But just know: if you get madeup Laryssa, you’ve been designated as special and worth the effort.
(Photo by Vivianna_love)
It’s like when I am in a play. Regardless of the weather or the venue, I arrive at the theatre in a shirt and tie for opening night. (Not a suit. Jeans for pants, but just about always a shirt and tie. Even if the sleeves are rolled up. Smart look, right?)
But the point is, wearing the shirt and tie on opening night gives it a feeling of being something extra. It shows that I am paying particular attention to the importance of what I am about to do that night. And it puts me in the right mindset.
Now, every performance night is just as important as opening night to me, even though I don’t wear a tie every night. But for the start of a production, I put in the extra effort. (I am rarely in a tie for most of my life at this point.)
I think that is the key. Make-up, tie. Whatever the accoutrement is, the person wearing it should feel that it enhances their day. They shouldn’t feel enslaved by it. I don’t think women should feel that wearing make up is NEEDED. Soap and shampoo are NEEDED, but make-up should be a personal preference.
“Most importantly, makeup makes me feel like I have made an extra effort, that I have designated the coming day as special, as worthy of my makeup application. … if you get madeup Laryssa, you’ve been designated as special and worth the effort.”
That’s a good way of looking at things, from professional and personal perspectives. Usually, I don’t put any effort in my appearance when dealing with clients — I just let my “personality” do all the talking. But that selfishness probably explains some of my business failings. I can run a business but not represent it well.
Thanks for connecting a sense of self-respect with the “chore” of putting on a good business face (literally).